Pride
Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live. (Jim Rohn) Being unwell? For those who only have an odd cold or flu, they believe they cannot possibly feel any worse. For those who battle cancer, ‘being unwell’ becomes a triumph over adversity if their treatment is successful. I often find myself floating in between the mere feeling of the flu or the worst pain possible (trigeminal neuralgia, remember?). On days like that, my illness feels like my body betrays me, day in, day out. Unlike people who have cancer and have the possibility of having their illness ‘cured,’ the course of my multiple sclerosis can only be ‘modified.’ Therein lies the betrayal. Modified becomes a permanent word in your vocabulary. Modified. Not cured, only modified.
Silver Linings
Although I wrote the following post and updated it a good while ago, the subject sometimes finds its way back into my mind and reveals itself as something “ugly”. After all, what can be uglier than death, than feeling yourself slip into darkness? If that was not ugly enough, thoughts about the actions of certain people would make it feel even worse, as if you were just imagining things and what was happening was ‘not that bad’. Having seen what ‘in extremis’ is like, what dwindling closer and closer to my six feet under feels like… it is something that made me realise what life is really all about. So here we go… mor(t)ality…
MS: lesson in minimalism
Can I let you in on a little secret? It’s something meaningful and I’d like to share it with you. Before getting all philanthropic and philosophical, having multiple sclerosis is not a nice thing. Or a happy thing. Not when you’ve just been diagnosed. It’s a long road to acceptance. In between hearing ‘You have MS’ and saying to yourself, ‘You know what, I am OK with that’, you will find yourself falling over (sometimes literally), you will feel awful because of side effects of your medication, and you will sometimes curse at your body’s lack of accomplishments. Being diagnosed is definitely something you never thought would happen to you.
Finding Her Here
© Willeke Van Eeckhoutte and Ireland, Multiple Sclerosis & Me, 2011-2013
Letting go
Life seems like a joke, out to get you when you least expect it. People disappear from your life, but it’s not until after they’re gone that you realise how much you liked being around them. Or, you understand what being truly happy means because you’ve known absolute sadness. Or you start appreciating silence because you know how loud, annoying and horrible noise can be. Life seems like a joke so; it makes you learn lessons by applying the opposite of what you want. Life is a joke in an ironic way. Murphy’s Law had it in for me years ago. Anything that could go wrong went totally wrong. In the space of 3.5 years I lost part of myself (thank you MS!), and my only sibling, stepdad and four other…
Everyone’s an Olympian
After 7 years of waiting, the London 2012 Olympic Games are finally here! Off we go again for another breathtaking 16 days of sport, success and sorrow! I’ve ice cream in the freezer, my couch blanket and caffeine ready to make the most of the coming days. London 2012 was always going to be special to me because I’ve never lived so close to the Games as this year. This may sound funny to you but as a sports fan; I have been looking forward to having the Games to close to my native country as well as my adopted one. Every 4 years the Olympics take over 16 days of my summer calendar and this year it will be a blast. Not only because of the proximity of the…
What MS feels like in your mind
What multiple sclerosis feels like on a mental level? How does it affect your mind? These are questions many people wonder about: those with MS, wondering how others feel with the illness they share. Or people without MS, like your family, your friends, just curious how you are feeling. And then there are those that ask that question as well because they don’t believe a word of what you’re saying. These are questions I sometimes ask myself, because the symptoms come and go, change and get better or worse. Disappear altogether while new ones appear. So what goes on in your mind with the constant changes? Knowing what MS feels like if you have MS yourself, that makes you an expert patient… of yourself. I’ve met all three types of people;…