Shoulders back, head held high. Striving to soldier on, wanting to do more. Body says ‘no’, mind perhaps too.
This morning I ran into my leading enemy. Not the one I declared war to over some silly misunderstanding when I was 8, nor the one who swore she would never talk to me again when I was 15, but one much closer to my heart. Me.
Sometimes people say you have to confront in order to conquer. But what if this is a person, namely, yourself? I’ve had many confrontations with myself, but I’ve never been a good listener. If/when given the choice, I’d rather kick up some more dirt than having to listen to the rules. Especially when it comes to having to rest. And sleep.
I’ve been here so many times before, but this time it’s different. Mentally I feel depleted, just plain, old, deliriously, incredibly tired. And when I go to bed, lie down waiting for my effervescent pain killers to explode into that short snap of ugly taste, I fall asleep before my lips get to touch the glass… all that in the space of 3min or less.
Is narcolepsy on the cards? Ah no. It cannot be. I am not about to drop my head into a plate of food just yet because I tend to fall asleep easy enough. Hhmm… on reflection, it seems that my record time between sitting on my bed, ready to lie down to sleep and actually wheezing away has been made shorter once again.
Also, falling asleep in between telling the laptop on my belly to shut down and it actually being shut down, or waking up with a sore neck from sitting in my bed instead of lying down, simply because I fell asleep before I get to lie down… Totally hare-brained!
Disproportionate sleep patterns can be common in people with MS, especially when you experience chronic pain for which you cannot find proper relief. My nights are definitely impacted as such.
Sleep is a time-consuming commodity I cannot afford, not because I absolutely need sleep, but because sleep is what is standing in my way of having a professional life; living to the fullest, out and about with friends and family. Sleep is costing too much as is, as I could and should be doing so much more with my time. A commodity indeed so.
Perhaps I need to invent a cleaning faery, a laundry faery and a massage faery, because my body feels like it’s just there, just hanging around me serving no purpose whatsoever because it’s just always worn-out and non-compliant.
The hillwalking days are over, working overtime also and being able to go out and have fun all weekend all seem so distant a memory. It does not worry me though. What I do worry about is what medication Mahatma Gandhi was on when he said “Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn.”
So whatever the symptom, try and keep it light-hearted, simple and just well… free of too much sleep!
If you want to know more about narcolepsy, MS and fatigue, you might like these links:
Dante may have suffered from narcolepsy, says Italian academic
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Divine Comedy author’s obsession with sleep suggests he had neurological disorder narcolepsy, believes Giuseppe Plazzi He begins the most famous work in the Italian language full of sleep and with a weary body, and, throughout the Divine Comedy, Dante Alighieri recounts vivid dreams and brief naps. On one occasion, he tells of being awaken with…
Do you have a sleeping disorder?
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Sleep problems cause more than just sleepiness. The lack of good sleep can affect your relationships, health and even create accidents. Sleep disorders come in a plethora forms and types. Some symptoms are obvious while other are hard to see. Types of sleep problems and disorders include insomnia, sleep apnea, snoring, restless legs syndrome, …
©Willeke Van Eeckhoutte and Ireland, Multiple Sclerosis & Me, 2011-2013. Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Willeke Van Eeckhoutte and Ireland, Multiple Sclerosis & Me with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.