The duality of MS

Woman beach

In ever memory of physical betrayal and every second of dislike of my illness, I am still intrigued by its complexities and continue to care for all its nuts and bolts.

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Noise sensitivity in MS: Turn off your voice!

Vintage

If sound intolerance were a 2005 Marks & Spencer food porn ad, people would refer to it like this: “This is not just sensitivity, this is a hyperacusis noise sensitivity.”

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In search of my MS Zen

Black picture woman

”Despite having my inner dialogue running into philosophical mayhem, I’ve been trying hardest to get things on paper. Sometimes it is rather difficult to grasp how unspeakably quick, indelible and distracting multiple sclerosis can become, only to disappear for a few hours before returning. As such, parameters on what I perceived to be acceptable have been reset, and my inner dialogue needs a fix as an intuitively sharp anguish took over my mindset last week.

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Sleep and MS… It’s what’s (not) happening!

bed bedroom blur clean

Imagine standing all dolled up at the front door, excited to go to the film you’ve been dying to see. That doesn’t do it for you? Replace ‘the film’ by ‘finally buying the boots you’ve been waiting for’ or by ‘rushing out to buy a new power tool’ to finally set up new furniture.

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Starting over

Clock vintage

Sacrificing your life for a chronic illness never comes easily. You learn to compensate and decide how reliable your judgment is based on what you can put in physically, mentally and emotionally. Quite often, what lies within you is mentally infinitely stronger than anyone might realise – even yourself –  because, until that point in time, you have been at your worst already.

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I am not my brain

Brain MRI

“What’s wrong with my brain?” doesn’t automatically mean, “Is my mind, my soul therefore broken as well?”

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What singing taught me about life with MS

Black & white image singlng

It is hard to explain the following depth of reality. One morning shortly after my diagnosis, I woke up and thought, “From now on, I will wake up sick every day, and I need to accept that I will never get better again – unless a cure is found.”

That level of new normals isn’t easy. Then again, finding something black to wear while standing in front of a wardrobe filled with black clothes only, isn’t either. The same goes for the many pairs of black shoes, black rings, and necklaces.

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Where is my left cheek?!

Fatigued girl hands on her face

Trigeminal neuralgia feels like a vicious affair, and it is still hard to know who came first, TN or MS. Being a lover of Shakespearean drama, they would tell you they arrived around the same time.

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MS, Inc.

Perhaps losing my only sibling over a decade ago recreated the perspective on life I once held. It poured resilience into a mind that required to be strengthened for the many years ahead. Hope became the antidote to being tired of always being sick and tired.

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