Brain fog. “Being blonde”. Now I know what it feels like.

Years ago I acquired the “just being blonde” tag by others in my team at work because I suddenly needed time to digest ideas, questions and discussions. I would never have referred to myself as “being blonde” in those days because I used to be quick-witted, but I was dark-haired back then, and still am.

In other words: my elevator of knowledge does not travel all the way up to the top floor right now; it keeps sticking somewhere between the 3rd and the 4th floor. I hear people talking, but there’s no understanding flowing from hearing and seeing them move their lips and vocal chords into linguistic marvels of the 21st century.

Because I am reading Ulysses by James Joyce, I find myself inventing new words as I go simply to mask the fact that I am looking for the correct words in my online-bodily-dictionary-otherwise-called-my-brain, words totally unintelligible of course by others but as long as sound escapes my mouth, at least I am somewhat alive. Somewhat. I had to skip tonight’s reading class of the very same Ulysses though because I don’t want to confound people any more than they will be in class later on.

Fever also. Very unlike me. Why? Why not? Red cheeks. Flashing hot body while freezing. OK, time for bed (I am talking

Why? Why not? Red cheeks. Flashing hot body while freezing. OK, time for bed (I am talking

Red cheeks. Flashing hot body while freezing. OK, time for bed (I am talking

OK, time for bed.

I am talking in Leopold Bloom’s use of language now – Bloom, the protagonist of Ullyses. Staccato. Very much so. Saves energy. Rather like ‘

Saves energy. Rather like ‘

Rather like ‘Earth Hour’ but then within my body. Must rest. Mucho so.

Must rest. Mucho so.

Been doing too much lately. For others, my “too much” seems “very little” but they do not run on limited energy resources like I do. Reading group. Food shopping. Trying to paint my bathroom which is the size of a lady’s handkerchief yet it took me 5 days. Wrestling Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN). Realising I’ve been unwell. More than I usually am and now paying the price for doing too much. Yes, my own levels of “doing too much”.

Mind you, one positive of having TN is that it has greatly reduced my online time on Facebook, which can only lead to happier friends and relatives because when I’m good, I’m really good at posting stuff on Facebook, but when I’m bad, I’m just bad and go offline to rest my eyes, face and everything else in between.

No wonder TN is called the “suicide disease” because you would bang your head against the wall of pain. Cause? Sitting on the side of cold windows on the bus or train; loud, sharp noises; wind or cool air flowing in; talking. Try having a chat with me when I have TN. Every so many words there is an “aaww!” escaping my lips because it feels like a knife is stabbed in my ear, resulting in pain and interrupted conversations. Nice? No, not really.

Nice? No, not really.

No, not really.

Feeling my words being reduced to staccato and sharp again. Energy levels down to zero.

Bed. Calling. Me.


© Willeke Van Eeckhoutte and Ireland, Multiple Sclerosis & Me, 2011-2013. Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Willeke Van Eeckhoutte and Ireland, Multiple Sclerosis & Me with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

8 thoughts on “Trigemin…argh!

  1. Will try to read the book he’s referring to and it is a very good post. Intelligently written and quite interesting subject matter. I think there will forever be the question on how bad the English were and how much the Irish suffered. There still is a lot of internal anger in Irish people and it translates in hating English things. I try to stay clear of that because I know I am biased because of my love for Ireland but those were very, very different times and not all historical facts can be proven. I don’t want to kill English people though, everyone has a right to live somewhere, whether it is as a protestant in the republic or as a catholic in England :)

    1. Oh no, not at all :)). In fact I love Ulysses this time around, finished 5 chapters (or episodes) so far and looking forward to continue my quest through it. The book seems to have picked the choice of when I would start reading it again so I’m not really to blame this time :)) Just MS being fickle and annoying and if anything, Ulysses has kept myomere of my MS :)

      1. Who knows? I used to be into the romantics like Austen and Bronte but kind of ‘grew’ into Shakespeare and other heavyweights after that. Big difference but I believe for some books/authors you need to have a certain mindset and perhaps grow into them. I went to see Dubliners and Ulysses in theatre last year and only after seeing Ulysses I found that I could continue reading it. When I found out about the James Joyce Centre’s reading group, I decided to go for it. With it it seems easier to read the book because things are being explained as we read, plus I found some good weblinks that explain Ulysses. I do feel however that I should read Joyce’s biography alongside Ulysses to know what his own mindset was when writing it.

      2. Will do that today, the Famine is something close to my heart after reading a history of Ireland and Liam O’Flaherty’s Famine that I came to realize that probably, yes, you could call it genocide although I would not want to use that strong a word. It was definitely an act of evil because by the British Crown at that time, because of the potato crops that were still good enough to eat, instead of letting the Irish have them to still their hunger and malnourishment, the Crown ordered them to be sent to England. Leaving the Irish with barely enough other food for one when whole families needed to be fed, that’s something that definitely shaped the Ireland of today. Mass emigration, people dying by the roadside of hunger and increased ill-feelings towards the Crown (going on way before that and long after it also), you can say that the Famine – in my eyes – is definitely considered not-on and cruel. I heard last week that one potato farmer is now recultivating the Famine potatoes because they are quite tasty and full of nourishment, so I am looking forward to trying them out :D

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