Oh yes he is… or rather: she is! Or I am… With quite a captain-look. Black eye patch hiding an eye so desperate to jump out of its socket and an eye that is telling me to stay away from reading, writing and watching television. Hhmm… somehow that is quite hard to do in this day and age of audiovisual technologies, and well… my daily life.
But not to worry, I’m sure Captain Jack – or moi… – can find some remedy that doesn’t involve over-medicating on painkillers, boxing gloves to punch my hurting eye out, coffee cans of the hottest black stuff or a brain and eye transplant.
Right, so what can be done? Double hhmm… Sleep. Dog. Coffee. Ice cream. Although maybe the latter is telling my stomach to pretend to be my eye just to get some Ben & Jerrys. Scrap that thought bubble so. Had a stunning coffee in a Wiener coffee place this morning when I was about to get drenched by a thunderous rain cloud. Ice cream on top of whipped cream on top of delicious coffee. Thought I died and gone to heaven! Hallelujah a cure has been found… Not… (but I will try this one out again when I’m back in Dublin!)
No cure found, not yet anyway. Methinks part of my body is longing for my own, big, brilliant bed in Dublin and long nights and even longer days of unadulterated snoozing, snoring and snuggling the duvet with my bathroom being only four feet from my bedroom. That reminds me, I have to have a fridge in there also, but with my taste for ice cream, maybe a freezer would be better.
But still no cure… Optic neuritis quite frankly sucks. As if with every blink of my eye cardboard is shoved back and forth over it. Or that someone is poking one square inch, or even less, in the back of my head (around the occipital lobe) while my eye is being pulled out by a rubber band and then smacked right back into its socket. It’s hard explaining eye to people when most will never have this kind of pain in their life (lucky sods!). So how do people know how to deal with it when this will be an unknown to them forever? Thinking this, how do researchers know what pharmaceuticals to create if/when they don’t know what eye pain really feels like?
Aaaaargh 7.5 years of being diagnosed with MS, 8 years after first experiencing eye pains like this and still no cure. On neuropathic painkillers; other painkillers; killers of other sorts and sizes. Will researchers, pharmaceutical big heads and doctors please work a little bit harder figuring out chemical compounds and think of us people who need help?!? It looks like weapons of mass destruction are quicker to make these days, just ask Ahmadinejad-Iranian-president-guy there, he knows all about it so it seems. Triple hhmm… I wonder if he has eye pain himself?
Nah… coffee: failed. Ice cream: failed. Dog: failed. Boxing glove: failed. Neuropathic painkillers: failed. Gotta start making new lists of possible cures and gotta stop making plans that make my body go all haywire. But then again… life’s too short. I’ve already surrendered my job to this neurological illness in my central nervous system, I am not about to surrender my life also. I’m the type of person that when I wake up in the morning, some people say “oh jeez she’s up, go hide… now!!!”
At least it will be cold when I land back in Dublin on Friday. So cold I might be able to skate from the airport to my home. Doing things differently: hell yeah. Waiting for eye pain to dissipate: god no. Doing another ‘Singing in the Rain’ routine on the street: absolutely. Life goes on.
© Willeke Van Eeckhoutte and Ireland, Multiple Sclerosis & Me, 2011-2012. Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Willeke Van Eeckhoutte and Ireland, Multiple Sclerosis & Me with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.