Playing God

We all have good friends and we all have fantastic friends. You know the type, the ones that will stick around for an hour when nobody else will. Every now and then, however, we realise we have insanely outstanding friends and feel how one simple sentence they say, can change days, if not weeks, of feeling, let down. Living history, living it right now.

Last night I wrote this on my Facebook wall: “Take away. Rugby. Bed. Sleep. Approx. waking up 4 times before 8am. Get up 8.01am for meds. Go back to bed until noon. Wake up for meds. Sleep until 8pm tomorrow. Meds at 8.01pm. Back to bed. And the beat goes on. And on. And on.”

I know… it sounds intense, but it was not my intention to come across so… ill (which in all honesty I am but then again… I’m not. In other words, I refuse to be ill, no matter what MRI scans and lumbar punctures say).

What followed was the reply of a friend I used to work with, a girl quite like myself: different, yes, but loving it as much as I do. Her words? “Sometimes I wish I could play god and give u your health back”.

Of all the bad words I have ever heard in relation to living with an illness that made me retire at the age of 36.5 years old, and of all the kind, sweet words of support others granted me, reading this was as if Christmas, New Year and my birthday all happened at that very moment.

It was uplifting and poignant, it made me see sense in the nonsense that my life often is. As I’m nearing my 4th anniversary of being retired on December 25th, self-affirmation sometimes takes a backseat. Doubt takes over for a short while, but instead of mulling over it, it’s looking back at feats over failures, friendship over animosity and happiness over dissatisfaction.

Finding encouragement in simple words like “sometimes I wish I could play god and give you your health back,” means more insight in a friend I miss very much. I remember our last coffee chat in Starbucks near Trinity College in Dublin. Diana moving away to colder parts of this planet.

Reading the intent in her words enables me to see the goodness in others, and it keeps my head held up high. Sometimes friendships with nearby friends run their course, while other faraway friendships last forever. I utterly hope this one will never end.

Sincerity in this day and age is not always a given, trust and loyalty neither. As I keep hearing what my friend Diana wrote last night, it’s a token of what is most important in life: sincere friendship as pure as water, as loyal and trustworthy as the sun.

© Willeke Van Eeckhoutte and Ireland, Multiple Sclerosis & Me, 2011-2013. Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Willeke Van Eeckhoutte and Ireland, Multiple Sclerosis & Me with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

8 thoughts on “Playing God

  1. What a sweet thing for your friend to say to encourage your heart (and ours) greatly! Reminds me of what a father had said to his son in one of my favorite books, which I had just re-read earlier this month. The book is called Peace Like a River by Leif Enger and the father had said to his asthmatic son that he wished he could take his place – which God allows for him to do so in the end.

    1. Absolutely. Sometimes it doesn’t take much to bridge feeling a bit low and getting all happy again. To some the words said don’t mean much, but to me it meant so, so much.

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